I'm just, so tired, of hoping, of trying, of chasing, of everything. Why do I even bother anymore? Why am I wasting my time to get something that is not there? I'm not giving up on love, I just give up on trying, you know. Because, whenever I'm almost there, whenever I'm getting much closer to it, something always happen. Something always stop my steps, and just stop me from going there and I hate crying over it. I hate trying to pick up the pieces again. I hate waiting for someone much better. I hate it. I hate it.

I've been through this phase, over and over again, and in the end, I still go out and searching. I don't know, I'm not desperate or anything. Really, I just don't know. But right now, right now, I really feel like I'm done. I'll just let things come to me.

It's not just on my love life, I'm done with everything. I'm done trying to make people happy because I just feel like it's no use anymore. I just ... I just ... I really just want to not care about anything. Anything at all. Things that have been bothering me. My problems. what people think of me. How people treat me. If it comes up, I wish I could just go, "whatever" on it. I wish, I want to go, "I don't fucking care". But slowly, actually, I'm getting there. I don't care as much anymore. I don't go for the trouble to fix my problems like I used to. I'm letting people do whatever they want. Whether it hurts me or not, you can just do whatever shits you want to do. I'm so tired. So tired of trying to please people. I've given too much.

I just wish I didn't see it.

Oh God, why can't I stop crying?

I feel so alone in this world. I feel like no one's going to catch me if I fall. Maybe, life would turn around soon. I want to be optimistic but I guess I'm sick of trying to keep a smile on my face. At times, i feel like, I don't know who I am anymore.

I want to get away from everything. I wish I could restart my life. Do everything all over again. Know the people I should know. Avoid the people I should not. correct all my mistakes. Be someone better.

I wonder why I don't want to wake up later feeling happy. Maybe, I just don't want to go down again. It's better if I just stay this way for a while. Just to avoid myself from getting my hopes up or falling on the ground again. I'll just stay on the ground, I can't go any lower than that right?

Well, I'm going to sleep now. Sorry for the cursing and the emo post. Goodnight.