I've been having these ups and downs lately. When I'm down, I really go down. but when I'm up, I go high up that eventually I'll fall back down again. I don't know. If I think about it clearly, I don't really have a major problem, I'm not suffering from low of money or being bullied or anything. It's just, I have all these small problems, that eventually it ended up being a big one.

Especially today (or yesterday, Thursday), I had a talk with my best friend, and I ended up crying in front of her. I just can't imagine it. I mean, I know what I've been doing to them. I know how much they're hurt because of what I did. But I'm hurt too. At times, I'm hurt that they don't know me as much. That, I'm not the type to leave my friends no matter what, even if I have other friends too. They don't know how much I think about them and how much guilt I feel. I have tried, to be there for them. But I'm just confuse, even if I'm there. I feel like, I'm not there. That's why, I sometimes get away from there, just to get rid of that feeling of being unwanted. So, what am I suppose to do?

I'm so confused.

This is why, I just feel like ... being alone. (not to be emo or anything) You know, just, being isolated from everyone. No one to satisfy, no one for to me to hurt or no one to hurt me. I wish I could go, somewhere. Just me and the beach or a place where I know no one.

I'm sorry for everything. but you know, I think about you guys all the time. I think about how to satisfy you all and be a good friend to everyone. I do appreciate all the things you guys have done for me. I do think you guys are the important part of my life and I do love you guys. what more should I give?

sigh.

On the other hand, rugby's friendly match got changed to Sunday. That's a good thing though, we do need a lot more training and I could attend to Fatyn's birthday party without getting tired. Can't wait. :)

One thing that's making me feel pretty good and alive is him. of course, your crush, never seem to fail to make a smile on your face, no matter what they do and that's what he does for me. I'm glad things are going well with him. I don't know if the rumors are true, I'm wishing hard that it is not, even if it is true, I do hope, he's not that way again.

your smile makes the smile on my face. :)