I hope everyone had a blast for their New Year's celebration! :) Mine was okay okay. I spent the night with my cousins' on my dad's side! so, it was worth it spending with the family though. It wasn't that happening like our previous New Year's celebrations. But, it was still pretty good. We had some small BBQ-ing and I helped! :p We played ping pong, just for the sake of passing the time. Abang Amer and Abang Malik kept winning! they were unstoppable! ): When it was A few minutes after 12, we went home. HAHA so, yeah, it wasn't that much happening ): but any who,

( I wonder why we can't resize the image? ) )):

anyways, I've been colouring this for weeks, on and off, of course. And I love how it turned out! I was pretty much procrastinating a few days, then I decided, "Hey, I should finish this at 1.1.2011. and I did! :p The time was worth it! It turned out great! The lightings and everything. But yes, I had some stressful moment colouring this drawing -.-

So as you figure it out by now, I didn't draw this. Original drawing is by http://miaowx3.deviantart.com :) I'm lazy to find the drawing link, so check it out yourself :p

So I hope you guys like it! :)

On another note, on the first day of 2010, I went out with my cousins again and I had a blast! We ate at Cheezbox and just hang there and bonded! :) Had loads of laughs! :) Then we watched

I give it an 8.5 / 10 ! It was certainly funny! :D Although there was something missing somehow. I only give a 10/10 if it's really really amazing. That beats all the movies I've watched! :p so yeah.

we then, went home around 10+pm :D

So, now, I'm going to talk about my 2011 resolution! I need a change.

I gotta admit, it's been a one great hell of a year! Met some new friends that would always be with me until the end! Of course, dramas here and there. Experienced things that I've never done before! Although, there were some ups and downs during this year. What year doesn't? So, I don't expect my next year will be an amazing one without any downs. But, I do hope, there won't be any really terrible downs. Amin.

Next year will be some what of a little bit of torture though, A'levels coming up to haunt me and damn, I'm seriously nervous. Results of my AS will come out soon and I'm hoping hard that it would be great. But, I still hope for a one great year despite of that. I just want A'levels to get over with.

So just a little bit of reading pleasures, I'm going to write a few of my favourite 2010 memories and experiences :) It's not in order. Writing whatever comes up to my mind :)

1. To be able to enter college and experience the college life and it has been amazing. It feels so free than secondary school. Down side, the studying is much more harder even if it's only 5 subjects!

2. To meet new amazing great college friends that would always be with me! :) My business mates, Maths, EAS, Elit and Sociology! Lynnie is amazing too! Can't get enough of those crazy moments I have with her! I love youu!

3. To have new close friends that I now usually hang out with. Yes, them, Fiz, Zims, Syah, Nazuraa, Arif, Danial, Khairi and Senusi. Without them, it would certainly be just a normal 2010. I admit, they changed me a lot. In a good way of course. :) Although, I'm more outgoing now :p but they made my life adventurous and certainly, just amazing. :)

4. 2 years of being with the Jubss. My secondary friends and We're still together even through all these years. We might not hang out as much as before, or be as close as before. But you guys know, that you guys will always be a part of me that I will never forget and You guys will always be my closest friends :) We're like a family and hopefully we will be until our next anniversary and through the years to come.

5. Rugby. The first ever sports team that I joined and I'm so glad I did. Not only because I feel so much more active and healthy, but having teammates that are just so awesome. :) I miss our trainings and our times! :') and on the other note, I will never forget that one particular training. I miss you, y'know. but it's okay. I'm trying to let go of that feeling, and just grasp that moment as long as I can because you made me so comfortable and wanted even if you were just teasing me. fuck, I miss you so much

6. My 16th Birthday Party. The best birthday party thrown by the Jubss. I love the surprise they made for me :) Man, they went a lot for me. It was the first time I met Nk in person. Well, to see him face-to-face. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't have a one great birthday. Even though Nk and I are not together anymore. it's still a one wonderful memory for me which is worth to be kept :)

7. Which leaves me to write one for him. Nk. You have been a one amazing part of my life. Like I said, even though we're not together anymore, You'll always be my first love and that'll never change. If that particular situation didn't come up, we would still be together. But now, you're just part of my 2010 memory and I hope it will always stay that way. I do hope you'll have an amazing year ahead of you even without me. thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for the moments you've given me. :) but it's time for me to finally let you go.

8. My love life. Meeting a few guys that I like here and there. One I was really into after Nk. But, not to sound cheesy or anything, he broke my heart. after that, I wasn't really into anyone after awhile. until, I met him. Our path is still unsure, but I'm glad it's going well. :) I still remember the day I first talked to you :)) and I hope i'll have that jitters even after awhile, but in a more comforting way, of course. You somehow, change my life a little. Hoping you would change it more someday :)

this is all I can come up right now though. But if I have something more, will surely edit it up :D

I hope to have a better year next year :) Hoping to make some progress on life :)

It's getting late now. So goodnight everyone! Have an amazing new year's eve! :)) Sorry for the boring ending :p

So, as you can see, I'm getting better now. I guess, I was just hiding that feelings away for awhile now. But I kept my word, I'm done chasing and getting hurt. I'm not ready to go ahead and take a step. I'll just let that man step towards me instead. :p and actually, those things that usually bothers me, I really don't care anymore. Although, it does bother me a little but not as much as I do before. Maybe, this is the part of actually growing up. You'll face through a lot of obstacles and all you have to do is to have some patience and try to go through it no matter how hard it is.

I'm glad that I went out with them Fiz, Arif, Zims, Khairi, Senusi and Danial on Tuesday, I had an amazing time with them. We hung out at Danial's place, then went to Times Square and are sushi at Excapade. Fiz accidentally spill the green tea, who's the clumsy one now huh Fiz? :p HAHA. We roam around Times Square which, nothing much was there actually, then we went to Empire and of course, went to the beach 'cause Zims wanted to. We sat at the big rocks, which I was pretty much scared walking on the rocks. I don't know why, I have a little bit of a traumatic moment I guess. I love adventure, but you know, those high or steep places frightens me a little -.- Anyway, we just sat there and talked. It was really a nice feeling. Then, we planned out our next hang out, which is on Monday :) A road trip to Belait and have a picnic at the beach there :) Hoping my hardest that I won't have my period until Tuesday ):

We then meet at Danial's to get Arif's car and 'cause Danial had to go. We went to DQ 'cause Zims was craving for it. After that, we sent off them Khairi, Senusi, and Zims. Fiz, Arif, and I on the other hand then went to my house. They wanted to try out my brother's electric drums. We had a little jamming session and it was damn fun! :D Fiz and Arif really enjoyed it and it was great seeing them playing it. They really know how to cheer me up :) We played this game called slide chips which is my sister's, she got it from a lucky draw. lol. It's like tic tac toe, but, advanced version, in 3D? Haha. They then went home around 10.

I went all hyper and smiley after that. I didn't even bother to check my facebook or twitter that much. I even slept around 12. lol.

It made me realize, I do still have my friends to count on and I'm glad that I still have them to put a smile on my face and make me just a little bit more stronger :D I love all my friends to bits even if they give me some dramas at times :p but drama come and goes. Friendship will always be there.

Okay, I feel kind of cheesy now :p goodnight everyone! Out with mom later :)

I'm just, so tired, of hoping, of trying, of chasing, of everything. Why do I even bother anymore? Why am I wasting my time to get something that is not there? I'm not giving up on love, I just give up on trying, you know. Because, whenever I'm almost there, whenever I'm getting much closer to it, something always happen. Something always stop my steps, and just stop me from going there and I hate crying over it. I hate trying to pick up the pieces again. I hate waiting for someone much better. I hate it. I hate it.

I've been through this phase, over and over again, and in the end, I still go out and searching. I don't know, I'm not desperate or anything. Really, I just don't know. But right now, right now, I really feel like I'm done. I'll just let things come to me.

It's not just on my love life, I'm done with everything. I'm done trying to make people happy because I just feel like it's no use anymore. I just ... I just ... I really just want to not care about anything. Anything at all. Things that have been bothering me. My problems. what people think of me. How people treat me. If it comes up, I wish I could just go, "whatever" on it. I wish, I want to go, "I don't fucking care". But slowly, actually, I'm getting there. I don't care as much anymore. I don't go for the trouble to fix my problems like I used to. I'm letting people do whatever they want. Whether it hurts me or not, you can just do whatever shits you want to do. I'm so tired. So tired of trying to please people. I've given too much.

I just wish I didn't see it.

Oh God, why can't I stop crying?

I feel so alone in this world. I feel like no one's going to catch me if I fall. Maybe, life would turn around soon. I want to be optimistic but I guess I'm sick of trying to keep a smile on my face. At times, i feel like, I don't know who I am anymore.

I want to get away from everything. I wish I could restart my life. Do everything all over again. Know the people I should know. Avoid the people I should not. correct all my mistakes. Be someone better.

I wonder why I don't want to wake up later feeling happy. Maybe, I just don't want to go down again. It's better if I just stay this way for a while. Just to avoid myself from getting my hopes up or falling on the ground again. I'll just stay on the ground, I can't go any lower than that right?

Well, I'm going to sleep now. Sorry for the cursing and the emo post. Goodnight.

Hello hello :)

I went out again today (or you can say it, yesterday) with the same people, Arif, Aziemah, Khairi, Sanusi, and this time, without Fiz and Nazuraa ): but with Danial! :D just a short detail on the day.

I woke up around 10.30am (which Zims pretty much woke up at the same time) and Arif picked me and Zims up around 12. we went to Mamih first for our lunch and meet up with Danial and the brothers there. we then, went to Danial's house and played the bricks thing and UNO. But danial left us to send his brother to Kiulap and yes, we were stranded there, with no nerf gun (which he hided it from us) and nothing else to do. Then we planned to leave the house for a while to go to DQ, but he came back just in time! lol.

After we went to DQ, we then decided to go to Empire instead. We went to the beach, and I told them that I've NEVER, repeat, NEVER went to the beach at the Empire. Yes, my life's THAT sad. HAHA. So yeah, it was a pretty special moment. We played around with the dolphin statues and just sat at the bench feeling the breeze, talked and joked around. It was a nice feeling, I really needed that!

Arif had to go home early, because of a family function and the others and I went off to Gadong because Danial had some things to do and I was meeting with my siblings there. Danial took a LONG time at the collectible comic stuff items shop buying a new figure for his brother. Which, his action Joker figure was broken or something. so yeah. We just walked around the mall for awhile, and I bumped to my juniors Ryf and Afiq! :D

We then went to Kiulap Mall, 'cause again Danial had something to do with his action figure again. We had a great time in the car though, joking around! :D Then, Danial sent me back to Gadong and I went with my siblings! :)

So yeah, that's pretty much it! :p Kind of tired now! Byebye! :p

going out with the family tomorrow! :D

Hello! :)

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good today! :) I got back home around 11.30pm tonight. Well, it's 'cause I went out with my babies! It's been a while since I went out with them! So, who are my babies? Zims, Arif, and Fiz! and guess what? Nazuraa was there! God knows how much I missed her, although, I saw her last time during at the beach, but it was really great to see her again. It's been a long long long time since we hung out all four of us and now including with Arif! So, it's the new gang now. lol. Khairi and Sanusi (sp?) were there too! TEHEE. It's still not that complete though, I wish Syah was there too. I miss you, Syah! ):

My real plan was to actually go with my cousins, but it wasn't confirmed yet and my sister was pretty busy with her work, so I just had to cancel. I do feel guilty about it though. I was torn between two, I haven't seen my cousins in a while, but I haven't been hanging out with my friends too ): but in the end, I went out with me friends. :)

I watched Narnia again. and yes, I watched it before with my siblings, and it was horrible to me. well, not that horrible, but, it wasn't what I expected. But when I watched it again today, turns out, it was not that bad. LOL. Well, not the best, but it was okay. I wonder why. I think my brother's sarcasm last time, killed the movie. (he hates those fantasy movies lol).

Then we went out to Bandar , because Khairi and Sanusi had to go for a futsal family match thing there. So, we just had our dinner there. We ate at De'Royale cafe which was next to Coffee Bean. I had a nice talk with Nazuraa while waiting for our drinks at CB and we just chilled there until around 11. It was seriously fun! :-) although, Fiz wasn't there that much. He brought his gf, and it was my first time seeing her. though, she was shy, we were hoping to get to know her and be all girlie girlie with her. LOL. Nah, I just wish we get to know each other and stuff.

So yeah, it was a pretty dandy day. :p Later afternoon I'll be at Danial's house, they'll be "chimney-ing" while me and Ziemah, we'll be ... I dunno. LOL.

Goodnight everyone! :)

It's almost 5 am. Surprisingly, I'm still awake. Maybe it's just because I have nothing to do anyway the next day, so why bother sleeping early and waking up early when all I'm just gonna do is watch some tv series on my laptop and eat. That's it.

In a way, I think I'm wasting my holidays. This is not what I expected. I know should be doing something productive, if not productive, at least, go out and have fun before hell sets loose again next year. But eh, what to do. No one's asking me out and I can't go out without someone picking me up 'cause I don't like asking my dad to send me to places. I think it's a troublesome for him and well, I just don't want to hear him giving me lectures or whatever. So I'm hoping that it wouldn't be too late to have an amazing holiday. Just a few more weeks left.

I just realised recently that my English hasn't been improving. I'm an epic failure. I mean, I'm disappointed in myself. English was my best subject, but I just don't see it now. I'm reading other people's blogs and I've also been reading a book, and I hate myself for not being able to write or speak like them. Seeing these big words, high vocabulary, amazing structured sentence ... it's just making my confidence so low. And also, flashing back through my days in the EAS and ELit classes, at times, I had difficulties in writing the essays. Okay, yes, I'm typing in English right now, but I don't know. I feel like It's just not enough. I want to write beautifully and strike people in awe not just with my stories, also, with my vocabulary.

sigh, I'm just thinking too much, aren't I? Maybe, I'm just worried about my EAS and ELit results. Maybe.

I'm so unfit. I could just feel my weight going up and my body widening up. Haha, okay, I'm exaggerating. I am having one of those days though, where you just feel so bloated. Ever since there's no more rugby training, I've just been siting around. I wanna jog though, but unfortunately, my shoes is with Jay, and maybe I'm just making excuses, but I don't like jogging around my house. My weight goes up and down before this, 55-56-57. but now, it's stuck at 58. Oh man. I am gaining weight. I need to shed these kgs and try to get the weight that I've always wanted. 50. Well, just hope that I would get this, before or around next year. If not 50, maintaining the 50 plus number is alright for me. I just want this tummy to get flat a.s.a.p. I don't wanna be skinny, just healthy. I talked to dad to bring me jogging someday. Gonna make this holiday worth while! :)

Okay, it's already considered as morning, it's 5.08 now. I'm currently downloading season 2 of Parenthood and Modern Family. Hell yes! Seriously, it's an amazing family oriented tv show! Just a little preview for my readers! :)

If you're up for a comedy-drama show, go watch Parenthood.

I love all the dramas and crying at some of the scenes. lol. Parenthood is basically revolves around the Braverman family, that consists of three generations. The second generation, the four siblings, are all grown up and having children of their own. Adam, married and having a son that is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome or also known as Autism. Sarah, the second eldest, suffers from a divorce and a trouble teenage daughter, Amber. Crosby, been living like a bachelor, receives a shocking news that he has a 5 year old son with a woman that he slept and did not tell him that she was pregnant. He finds a way reconnecting back with his son, Jabbar and eventually bonded with him. Julia however, the youngest of the siblings, is considered as the 'perfect' one with a job as a lawyer, having a stay-at-home husband and a daughter who is surprisingly intelligent for her age.

The series is filled with scenes involving comedy and drama, but also, it shows the love and relationship between a strong family and what families mostly these days are struggling on.

So I just love watching this series! crying and laughing at some of the scenes! :) and also Lauren Graham or known as Sarah, is in this show! I love her ever since I watched Gilmore Girls!

If you're up for a full on family-oriented comedy show. I recommend Modern Family.

Modern Family shows how most family are nowadays. It also revolves on one family. A dad or a grandfather, Jay, divorced and married to a younger woman that has a 10-year-old son. Jay, however has a daughter, Claire, who is married to man that thinks he is 'hip and cool' dad, Phil. Phil says incredibly funny lame jokes and words. They have three kids; two daughters, going through their teenage years and a son, that isn't basically smart. Jay also has a son, who is homosexual, Mitchell. He is living with his partner, Cameron. Cam is just hilarious and is over dramatic at times. These couple decided to adopt a daughter, Lily, during their stay at Vietnam.

This show let's you see the "modern" family and this show is just full on comedy which I'm sure, you'll watch it with non-stop laughter. Of course, there are some sweet, "aww" moment scenes that makes you just love this loving, funny family.

Cam, of course, is my favourite character! I just love his dramatic moments! He can be such a drama queen at times, which makes me laugh so hard!

So, I'm going to watch an Episode of Modern family, then sleep! Yes, it's really really late. Hey, it's already morning. Good morning then. Goodnight for me. :)